That light headed feeling you get then you realize you haven't eaten in over 32 hours. It didn't feel like that long. I've really been only eating one small meal a day for about a week. I know I've lost some weight just because of the way my clothes have been fitting. I go home on Tuesday and I know I am going to want to weigh myself on the scale part of me is scared because I know I'm not going to like any numbers that are my goal weights and the other part of me wants to weigh myself because I know its going to make me want to lose more weight. I always want to lose more weight but the recovery part of my brain fights the sick part of my brain and usually the sick part wins.
I was just out side and got really dizzy just from smoking one ciggarete.
I know that cutting and restricting have been getting worse lately for my roommate as well so we agreed to go to couselling services together but I don't know if we are going to ever get there.
My brain is in over drive thinking about too many things at once and depression is so unbareable that food is something I can concentrait on and control while everything else seems to be out of my control.
Whats out of control right now
- school
- insanity
- self esteem
- depression
- social life
- thinking
- relationship life (wanting someone not being able to have them how cliche right)
- parents
Whats in control right now
- food
What I'm mad at myself about
- letting my friends make me get fatty food later today to get them off my back
- drinking alot last thursday ( there are so many calories in that)
- not getting an A on my first exam ( I got a B)
- not sitting down and doing all my essays (doing that tomorrow with psychology exam studying)
leave a comment and let me know how your life is going right now
love you all <3 xoxox
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