Struggles and University

I haven't posted in over a month. Does anyone even read this blog anymore. I'm just like blah blah my disorder getting on track blah blah ... goes missing .... repeat. I am stuggling every day but I just don't have the time to post and I am really sorry.
I haven't been able to weigh myself but I don't think I'm losing any weight. The past few days I haven't really been eating alot and I know its bad but it gives a feeling of power you know.
I also did something I haven't done in a little while. I didn't eat anything then I felt passing out like and so my friend got me pizza, my brain wasn't having it so I scarfed it down and then went to go throw it up. The experience sucked. It hurt and only bile and some pizza come out after 15 minutes and then my friend walked into the bathroom (awkward and we have communal bathrooms) its really hard to get through this and act like everything is fine.
On a general university topic the work load is intense and I'm finding it hard but survivable. I'm still smoking alot but I'm also having some fun. I've gotten to know my don which is nice considering I was kinda intimidated by her (like I am with most human beings) but she is like the nicest person ever, really easy to talk to but I feel like if she got to know everything about me, all the messed up stuff it would just be far too much, I'm so good at acting like everything is ok so I always wonder if anyone would even believe how much I struggle anyway. I'm just to messed up for life.
Oh well, I've got to study for my midterm tomorrow and then I have another mid term monday and I have 3 out of 4 essays to finish for the 30th.

I hope all of those of you who are still reading my blog are well and if you need to talk just leave a comment I will get it because I do check my email every day.