It feels like I haven't wrote in a decade but really what else has changed.
I've been taking the break up of my girlfriend and I very very hard. Feeling very alone and like I lost a lover and a friend.
My eating disorder support group is going well, it has become a constant in my life, they don't pressure me to recover, they are just there for support and honestly it helps.
I'm going no where with my counsellor and am going to need a new one despite financial disability.
I am waiting for my student loan to come in and holy shit its getting close to the first of the month and I NEED to pay rent and right now I can't even buy groceries. It is terrible and does my family help, no. I have a waitressing job but I keep having bad manic episodes and blowing it and drinking and doing stupid shit.
Realistically I am falling apart and need to channel my energy.
I am starting a 30 day shred on the first of June and I would like to share my journey with you and so the post after this one will be about the challenge.
I have not gone to bed yet today and what is in store for the day? - talking to a finacial advisor, going to class and writing a test, maybe possibly seeing my ex but probably not because she really doesn't seem like she wants to be close friends at the moment, I'm getting slightly numb to the fact that I am too much trouble for what I'm worth and everyone leaves.
I also got drunk and went from manic to depressive very quickly the other night and almost jumped off a roof... not very high but high enough it would have done alot of damage, my new friend was there and basically said I was just attention seeking (even though I wasn't asking for his attention and my brain didn't care he was there) because if I really wanted to die I would have done it already or from a higher roof.
I need to locate some coffee.