Its my birthday and I write a blog post if I want to :)

Today is my 19th birthday.
It's crazy to think this will be my last year as a teenager.
I'm not overly crazy about birthdays but its nice to recieve Happy Birthdays to know people remember you even if it is only for one day.
Here in Canada 19 is the legal drinking age so you can imagine what I am going to be up to tonight.
It saddens me to think this is the time where I am suppose to be a young adult reflecting on my childhood and to be honest I can't really reflect happily. So much of my life has been eaten up by abuse, depression, cutting and my eating disorder. There is no reason I can't still have youthful enjoyment now. I can't turn back the clock.
Another thing that made me a little sad and usually does is thinking about my family. My dad and mum have already wished me a happy birthday but I'm scared my siblings will forget (but ofcourse that's why facebook posts birthdays right) I guess just seeing how close my brother and sister are makes me a little sad because I got lost in the wash because I am so much younger. It's not their job to love me or take care of me or even accknowledge me because I'm only half of them since they are from my father's first marriage but I love them non the less. I just miss them and wish I were closer to them but they have their own lives.

My brother is a really rad guy though filled with lots of love for his new daughter and I'm so glad she is going to get all the love in the world, all the love I would have killed for but because I know he's suffered from my Dad I know he will do anything in his power to be the best Dad in the entire world and I know he is capable of it. If you or someone you know is interested in checking out my brother's podcast about being a Dad you can check out his website and beingdadpodcast.com :) and yes I am shamelessly promoting him :)

I also have some good news. I have been attending some grief coucelling and therapy and its really helping me in understanding and coping. I'm not ready to open up about anything in my past but thats not what this therapy is for anyway.

Things that I want to accomplish in my nineteenth year:
1. Work hard in my first year of University
2. Join activities
3. Make new friends and not be as socially awkward
4. Start a vlog chanel and university blogger separate from this one (which I hope you will all follow as well :)
5. Not be afraid of smiling or finding happiness
6. Try my hand at getting a girlfriend

I hope to have a happy birthday and I'll let you know how it goes
I love you all so much, this blog, you guys have supported me for a long time and you give me my own safe family <3 thank you!