breakdowns, special people and life

Haven't blogged since thursday when I pretty much had a break down blog post. Alot has happened since then. I was kind of in a daze trying to push through and then I got sick on Tuesday, I'm still kind of sick but at least functioning. I've been going to the gym which is really good but I still need to work on only eating health things.
I am blogging to you while in my psychology lecture right now because we are learning on how we formulate memories so I am pretty bored.
Saturday I had a really bad breakdown because my best friend and I got into a fight and it felt like I was losing her and she was blamming me and I couldn't handle it because I need to make everyone happy. I pretty much left the room I was in and sat out side in the cold long enough for my legs to change colour and my hands to be ice. I had to get, (lets call her D) D to come out and get me because I was crying so hard and cut and needed a person to be with me and talk to me so I didn't do anything stupid. I hated having to ask for help but I was scared and D really helped. D is becoming very very close to my heart but as everything in my life is, it is complicated I shall only say she is an amazing person and an amazing friend and I wish with all my heart I could be with her and love her and make her happy every day of her life (because I'm full of all the gushy cute stuff, my heart has all the love to share) sadly it will most likey never to be that and it will again have to be a person I will have to learn to move on from at some point in my life because peoples lives move on and they have to do what makes them happy as do I and sometimes those paths don't cross and if they do it is only for a short period of time in the sceme of life. I have all the things to say about that but I won't go into it.
Im surprised I can blog and pay attention to my lecture all at the same time but it is psychology, I understand it and then I end up self diagnosis but this is what I need to go through to be a helper in this world. I just want to help everybody and give them what they want no matter the cost to me.

I also need to finish a chapter book by tomorrow for 8:30 am. and then have two essays done (that I haven't started) by thursday, then thursday I'm going to get my drink on.

I haven't gone to sleep yet.

For tonight I will probably sit with a friend who is ill and try and wish her better, read my book and go to bed because I need to sleep.

Yet again another long post but I hope you are all getting use to it. I think it has something to do with sharing all my feelings.

I have another appointment and counselling wednesday. hurr.

Love you all <3