Bad Day, do not lose control

Apperently today is just not good.
Didn't want to get up, but got up.
Went to my in class assignment and pretended I actually knew something about velocity and amplitude of starts in relation to an exoplanet.
Was suppose to go to the gym at three but my friend is running late because she is not have a good day either and running around making appointments and it hurts me to see her so frazzled and telling me her life is falling apart and it makes me hurt so so much because I feel helpless and then again she doesn't seem to really need me anyways.
I tried to eat 7grapes with 50g of yogurt but couldn't so I binned it. Realizing I am going to the gym I tried to make light flaked tuna but I couldn't find my can opener so my brain told me it was a sign I shouldn't eat, which is fine except the fact that I need to plan these things out because I get so so scared that I am going to binge later and eat too much and fuck up and hate myself even more. So now I don't know what I am going to do.
I then decided to do 100 sit ups to curb my anxiety that I am feeling a lot today. I'm so anxious and fusterated and almost angry with myself today and then on the other hand I feel like bursting into tears. Last night right before I went to bed I did burst into tears thinking about being alone next year.
My anxiety continued after my sit ups and I cut a few fleshy lines into my hip to stomp on those feelings and remind myself to stay in control today.
I want to turn hunger off I don't want to be afraid of losing control and having to purge.
Now I am sitting on my bed waiting for my friend to text me to go to the gym. I have nothing else planned for the day and I just feel stuck.
I hope everyones day is going far better than mine.

Day review, food planning, throwback

I did not get out of bed today until 5pm which is probably why I am writing this at 4am. I did not want to socialize or leave the building. I skipped my acting class which I have not done before. I just did not want to deal with today, I really don't want to deal with this week. I did go to my psychology class however.
I stuck mostly to my meal plan today.
I ate my fruits and yogurt at 6pm and some leftovers from yesterday around 8pm and made potatoes with steamed veggies at midnight and ate some of that and have enough to eat the for lunch tomorrow. Low cal meals for the win. I did how ever have half a dounut to curb a hypoglucemic sugar crash which I hate dealing with but I fucked up my sugar levels a long time ago when I was 105 pounds in 2009. I also really need to stop drinking full fat soda.
Tomorrow meals are as planned
Fruits and yogurt for breakfast around 11am
Potatoes for lunch around 230
Home made whole wheat and green pepper mini pizza (cal content only 200!)
hummus and carrots for a late night snack
I am also going to the gym at 3pm for a few hours.

I am also in a swim meet next monday.

I have a busy week with an in class assignment tomorrow at 140, an essay to work on, psychiatric appointment thursday to finish my assesment and talk about medication and treatment, formal on friday, st.pattys on sunday, swim meet, monologue presentation and meeting on monday. Being busy at least keeps me moving.
I want to buy a scale this week to start logging my weight because I rarely go home anymore since it is so far away.
I am thinking about doing youtube video and really working on this blog more.
If you have anything you would like me to write and talk about in a video please let me know and comment below.
I also want to tell you guys how much I love you and you who read this blog really keep me going and keep me sane.
My heart to yours
<3

Throwback pictures - I wish I looked better now and need a change.