Apperently today is just not good.
Didn't want to get up, but got up.
Went to my in class assignment and pretended I actually knew something about velocity and amplitude of starts in relation to an exoplanet.
Was suppose to go to the gym at three but my friend is running late because she is not have a good day either and running around making appointments and it hurts me to see her so frazzled and telling me her life is falling apart and it makes me hurt so so much because I feel helpless and then again she doesn't seem to really need me anyways.
I tried to eat 7grapes with 50g of yogurt but couldn't so I binned it. Realizing I am going to the gym I tried to make light flaked tuna but I couldn't find my can opener so my brain told me it was a sign I shouldn't eat, which is fine except the fact that I need to plan these things out because I get so so scared that I am going to binge later and eat too much and fuck up and hate myself even more. So now I don't know what I am going to do.
I then decided to do 100 sit ups to curb my anxiety that I am feeling a lot today. I'm so anxious and fusterated and almost angry with myself today and then on the other hand I feel like bursting into tears. Last night right before I went to bed I did burst into tears thinking about being alone next year.
My anxiety continued after my sit ups and I cut a few fleshy lines into my hip to stomp on those feelings and remind myself to stay in control today.
I want to turn hunger off I don't want to be afraid of losing control and having to purge.
Now I am sitting on my bed waiting for my friend to text me to go to the gym. I have nothing else planned for the day and I just feel stuck.
I hope everyones day is going far better than mine.
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