sloppy sad sunday

I was supose to get my laptop back today. I didn't.
I was supose to go out today. I didn't
I was supose to feel good today. I didn't
I wasn't supose to eat today. I did.
fucking binge. I tried to throw up and just got about half out and thats all my body could handle.

I'm looking at University Dance programs out of the province and even out of the country.
know any good dance programs in a University near you? let me know.

I didn't count my calories today.
I feel sick.
School tomorrow is optional for me. I don't want to deal with the people in my cooking class- I do however want to go to politics so I'm going to go to that one. One class tomorrow.

Cleaned my room finally - I like it clean- my mothers comment "Its fine but.." thats her favorite line.

So I guess today wasn't soooo horrible like world horrible but it wasn't the best.

I cut. surprise. not.

Today was also the 9/11 10years. Im not american but I do have an apreciation and sadness for everyone who was involved. helped. and died. Its horribly sad. Canada hasn't had anything like that and my heart goes out to anyone who has experienced anything like it.

I'm starting to add pictures to every post like on my old blog. Also hoping for more readers :)

Hey Again Saturday ;)

I'm posting again so soon xD
I was just in the kitchen cutting up carrots broclli tomatos and lettus and my mom was like ohhh here and wraps them in pita wraps and sour cream -.-' so I cut up more to eat by itself and eat one of my mothers wrap and hide and threw away the other - I haven't hid food in awhile but I guess old habbits come back easy. My mom won't ever notice anyway - lets just say she didn't notice when I was below 100pounds and when I had to be hospitalized she convinced her self it was "a phase". And she noticed I cut and its been 7years I've been doing it -.-'
Anyway my Dad is coming to get me now to go job hunting.
Speaking of job hunting I got interviewed yesterday for a job at Dairy Queen the position isn't for another few weeks but they said I looked promising. I also have a huge interview for a paid internship at the hospital for a medical assistant and x-ray assistant.

weekend wonders

I don't know about you guys but I have that one food that just gets to me; mine is cheese - I love it and I should give it up because it is so high in calorie.

Friday

large coffee 74cals
Coca-Cola  110cals
Cheese Sandwhich 300cal
Spagetti with sauce and cheese 501cal
total: 985cals

I didnt really exersice at all - I walked for a bit.

I seem to have on off day - I ate yesterday and hated everybite and cried once. And now its 531pm on Saturday and I haven't had anything.
I also cut again last night because me and my ex boyfriend actually talked and he said some really cruel things which remined me of how hurtful he was during the whole relationship but whole attatched I was to him. Plus my mom is up to the usual.
I've decided to post a pic of me today.
my arm is huge so I'm going to stop doing push ups and my legs...lets not go there.

yay calorie app

Its finally friday!
I am going to a foot ball game tonight!
I now have a calorie counter app on my black berry and I love it.

Thursday
1 large regular Tim Hortan's coffee   74cal
I can of barqs root beer     160 cal
1.76 cup of Vegetable Soup low sodium made with water 98 cal
total 332cal

walking: 471 kcal
situps 79 kcal
sleeping+resting 1200 kcal
total 1768kcal

net: -1436

today!

So I've survived the first two days of school! I have cooking and my teacher is nuts but slowly growing on me - we only cook once a week and do seat work the rest of the week- its only a collage based class so I am super bored most of the class because I finish my work alot quicker than most of the kids. My politics class is amazing and I love the teacher! I don't have histories anymore because it got changed to a time that conflicts my schedual so I have to wait a week for a new class to take - I'm hoping they have room in writers craft.
Anyway - I ate exactly 800 calories today - I have to up my calorie intake somewhat today because I had to run with my friend.
As promised a picture of my in my uniform xD I wear the kilt and larger sweater and have gotten away with non school regulated tights. sometimes I wear this knit sweater with the crest on it - its my favorite but I didnt take a picture of me in it.

have a goodnight lovlies :)

goodbye summer

i accidently posted this on my other blog - so if you read both sorry :P
passing out in mac donalds was an ironic situation. I went with my friends (I only ever get drinks at mac donalds) and I was standing in line with them when the room kinda got blurry then well I woke up -.-'
Ofcourse in my 120 pound body (yes i've lost 4 pounds) no one would suspect me of not eating so I "was coming down with something" - thus I got free juice.
I don't recommend running and not eating since lunch the previous day -.-'

School starts in exactly 5 hours and I've decided to make the best out of my victory lap.

I went job hunting today so hopefully I get a call!

Also - starving is addictive - cutting is addictive and both my parents struggle with alchoholism so I have a very addictive personalitly - my new thing is scratch cards - all though I've only spent 8dollars on two of them and am just playing off of my winnings I can feel that "rush" and am watching myself carefully.

I have also successfully located a long sleeve knit sweater uniform piece for school - not too hot to wear this time of year so no one will question why I am wearing it (yes I am hiding cuts).
and for some reason I think it will be fun to post a picture of me in my uniform tomorrow - weird me.

tomorrow starts the first day of my new regiem.
I have a work out plan and an eating plan of 400 cals.
Im excited.
I start school in five days - not so exciting
I have cooking [i love to cook so yay excited]
I also have Politics and World Histories [ they might be interesting]

the next semster is my favorite though
Fitness, Dance and Fashion =D

have a goodnight lovlies~