rainy rain

I went to school and actually enjoyed class - politics. It makes me happy for a few reasons. - the teacher is awesome - I'm interested and I have a friend it that class. 

I also lifted my spirits today by watching my favorite youtuber/blogger Check her out :) 

http://www.youtube.com/user/kandeejohnson?blend=1&ob=5

and her personal channel 

http://www.youtube.com/user/thekandeejohnsonshow

annnyyway yes watch and smile :) 

so what else have I done today - nothing because it is raining and my hot glue gun is at my dads -.-' I wonder if he'll bring it to me. 

I ate part of a smile cookie today and burned it off. 

my head is going crazy. 

sick

so last I didn't go to school because I just couldn't get myself out of bed. Now that I am making myself get out of bed and go to school I end up sleeping late and missing my first class that I had a test in! PLUS I feel like rubbish! I have a very sore throat and stuffy nose. great. lovely.
I hope everyone has a lovely day.
I am going to get dressed and put a face on and track down some tea for my throat.

I have 21 followers =D hello new follower!! teehee

anyways today I went to the fair and it was so much fun actually.
I ended up giving this really hot Australian man my number - i reeeallllyy hope he  calls me :)
anyway I am sooo tired because I had to walk back from the fair. it took like an hour and a half.
I burnt calories though.

Goodnight blogers :)

nothing of nothingness

I didn't not go to school Wednesday or today - nor will I tomorrow. I just can't. I'll catch up. Its no big deal really. This school year is a "whatever" year because I'm only going because I need to be enrolled in a school to get into a university dance program I have the grades for.
That and I just can't get out of bed.
Whatever.
I cut today.
I ate today. Not a whole lot though.
I actually need to get caught up in my writers craft course.
I just have no interest in doing anything, thanks depression.
I'm going to the fair on Saturday.
blah.
I think I'll go watch a movie.

YAY today today

I HAVE MY LAPTOP BACK! I CAN COMMENT AGAIN!
and not go crazy over fusteration of my old clunker computer. SO HAPPY about that anyway.
might go to the fair tomorrow. I feel to fat for the fair. Got new pants - size 3.
Taking a few days off school - I don't feel well + need the mental health day.
took the day off today because my best friend was having a horrid day so we did fun things - photoshoot, tv ect. watched america's next top model.
Was sitting with my friend and other guy friend and we were tumblring and these cutting pictures came up and my friend goes on about how sad it is how they know people who have done it and the same about eating disorders - the thing is I am soo good at hiding my cutting and depression and eating disorder and at that very moment I wanted to cry and scream out - me I do that I've done that for so long. But I can't.
Got into the online Writers Craft course I wanted - yay. must catch up in the class now.

picture time - my friend took this of me today. my arms look huge.

Right now I'm actually hungry and want to eat something. But I can't. I'm afraid. I want KD. But no. Also since I'm on 24hours fasting now I feel that hunger high. I feel like if I eat something "not safe" I will make my self throw up. After I reported bindging last night I binged again and made myself throw up. Usually I don't throw up. When I was full blown anorexic I would throw up only sweets if I had caved to them. Now I feel like I want to go for a run. But honestly I am too tired. I stayed up last night all night and came home today at 11:30 and slept till 7 so naturally I'm up again all night tonight - and now its too early in the morning to go to bed before school. If I don't sleep I also feel hunger more. great. I have to go to my Dad's house today and eating there is like military procedure - you eat whats in front of you. I'm going to cry and I know it. And we eat together so hiding things is crazy hard. When I was about 100 pounds January 2010 I would sit at the table with him and put food in my pockets and wipe some into my hair and wear baggy clothes to hide some in there. Ofcourse I don't know if he'd notice now..
I hope today just goes by fast because I'm tired. I just want to sleep for a while.

Thanks you and such

I want to start with a big thank you to Lily. - You comment almost daily and I just want to say thank you because it really means alot to me that you take the time. so thank you :) - I'm always reading your blog :) and soon when I get my laptop I will be able to comment. Thanks for being awesomely you :)

  In other new (heehee I get such a kick out of saying that). I am exaughsted - I had quite a bit of politics homework. My job interview went well and I should hear in a week or so. I had a large double double coffee 74cals today. And sat with two cheese sandwhiches with mayo infront of me for a good hour before hiding and tossing them into the bushes behind my house.

Tomorrow I have a busy day - I have school then a guidance appointment for a new class and I have to go to the bank and pick dance classes at a new studio. and get to my dads house at some point.

right now I really want to run away from my mothers place being shes crazy and drunk like everynight.

this picture of my face amuses me - i can pick 20 things i utterly dislike.