Right now I'm actually hungry and want to eat something. But I can't. I'm afraid. I want KD. But no. Also since I'm on 24hours fasting now I feel that hunger high. I feel like if I eat something "not safe" I will make my self throw up. After I reported bindging last night I binged again and made myself throw up. Usually I don't throw up. When I was full blown anorexic I would throw up only sweets if I had caved to them. Now I feel like I want to go for a run. But honestly I am too tired. I stayed up last night all night and came home today at 11:30 and slept till 7 so naturally I'm up again all night tonight - and now its too early in the morning to go to bed before school. If I don't sleep I also feel hunger more. great. I have to go to my Dad's house today and eating there is like military procedure - you eat whats in front of you. I'm going to cry and I know it. And we eat together so hiding things is crazy hard. When I was about 100 pounds January 2010 I would sit at the table with him and put food in my pockets and wipe some into my hair and wear baggy clothes to hide some in there. Ofcourse I don't know if he'd notice now..
I hope today just goes by fast because I'm tired. I just want to sleep for a while.