dance job breath

I am like twice the size of every person in my dance classes.
Today was shit. My friend  - same height 20 pounds lighter naturally thin was talking about feeling fat and needing to work out so badly. What am I? god-freaking-zilla.It hurts really bad. She is one of the bestest friends I've ever had though - Im just in a rotten mood today

he just makes me feel like a piece of shit like im stupid and worthless how did we ever date - oh ya I loved him

On a positive note I love being back in dance for the dance.

I want to be 100 pounds - 110 by Christmas - I don't know if I want to make it to Christmas

I have to learn a two minute dance for next thursday for contemporary class and I have to learn it off a kinda crappy recording.
They put me in too easy classes so I had to get my time table changed.
Now I have:

Monday - Modern advanced 8:45 - 10
Tuesday- Contemporary Ballet Open Advanced Intensive 6-8 / Jazz open Advanced Intensive 8-9:45
Wednesday - Classical RID ballet [highest level] tech class - 6:15 - 7:30 / Pointe 7:30 - 8:45
Thursday - Contemporary (lyrical) Open Advanced Intensive 4:30 - 6

I dance four days a week with possible rehearsals fridays. The three days  I do have off I need to get a job.

I'm also fasting for the next three days. minus tomorrow nights drinking at a party.

I hope everyone is lovely - I'm still going to post often even if I'm doing it from the dance studio :)

dance

failed on my liquid fast today - but I'm just veggie fasting from now on because I start dance classes tomorrow.
I am super excited to start dance again :)
my dance times:
monday
8:15 - modern

tuesday
      2:00:tap
5:15 - ballet
7:45 -lyrical
8:45 -jazz

wednesday
6:15 -ballet
7:15 -pointe

Its super exciting :)

I have my politics mid-term today and I think I did well.

I promised a weigh in but honestly I don't want to because I didn't complete the liquid fast.

Now I must find all my dance stuff :)

I hope every one had a great day.

teacup of pain

Today was fun - little kids are sooooo cute!
seeing their faces light up when santa arrived brightened my whole day
I hope every child suffers no pain.

My childhood was shit and it pains me to think any child could suffer like I did.

liquid fast day two - success - I'll weigh in tomorrow.

this is a pretty short post - I'm quite tired.

On a positive note - I think my cold is finally subsiding

I wrote this :

Tea cup of pain
Cracking down the rim
Rosie Roise
Shards of glass
Peeling back the plastic rap
Been this way for a while
It time to exhaust black bile

liquid fast day one

liquid fast day one: complete - success

I even worked out

I wish I was as skinny as my best friends - that is my goal so far.

If I loose 10 pounds I am going to get a new piercing :)

My dance tattoo got postponed thanks to my dad so now I have to wait even longer.

I cut today.

Tomorrow I am an assistant photographer and crew for The Childrens Hospital Fundraiser - I get to talk to the kids while they get santa photos - yes I am dressed up christmas-y  :P

breathing water in the air

here I am typing my post while coughing up a lung and realizing I am late to my friends house. Honestly I needed to take sometime right this very second to post because I feel like I might explode into a millions tears because I feel like I'm being crushed by a thousand bricks and with my cold on top of everything else I don't feel strong enough to hold them. I wish that when my close friends say things that are suppose to make me feel better actually did, I wish I believed them. I wish that I wasn't completely fucked in the head. I truly believe I was ment to leave this world.

sorry about the melancholy but even though I just got out of bed today has already been a long day.

On a brighter note the liquid fast is off to a good start.

cough twist die

I am still sick.
It sucks that I have an immune system deficiency sometimes because something like a simple cold turns into a three week chest cold/flu hopefully not pneumonia thing -.-'
My meds aren't doing anything usefully except for making me feel very drugged up. Sleeping is near impossible unless my meds knock me out.
I was thinking about just ODing on meds today . . . I really wanted to. I should have.
I really want to cut right now and I probably will.
Tomorrow I am going to politics class and a social justice meeting then home.
Friday I get a tattoo - I am getting Dance on the arch of my foot - I'll make sure to post a picture.
I like the thought that when I die I will take dance with me - I know morbid but I only ever feel alive when I dance.
I hope everyone has a better day tomorrow
hugs <3  your sarah

seriously!

I'm full on sick again ugghhh when will this end!!
My throat kills and the worse part is that its hard to breathe D: so I might have to go back to the doctors.
not cool.
I have tap today if I can make it all the way till the end of the day.