bleeding vomiting spinning falling

I hate food but its all I think about - and I'm sure each and everyone of you can relate to that.

I also hate that it is incredibly hard for me to vomit - this might be a little too descriptive or tiggering so I apologize;  I caved and ate something that is not allowed in my mind and so I had to try and get rid of it - I can hunched over the toilet with three fingers down my throat - like really down their and I could only throw up a little - it took me so long to get enough up to stop and by then my eyes were red and the back of my hand was bleeding because of the amount of pressure my teeth had on it digging into it. And this is why it sucks to give in to my restricted foods.

Also since I have been in dance and fitness cutting on my wrists and arms where I usually do has become virtually impossible since I don't want people to see so now my sides are covered in little cuts -.-' changing is incredibly awkward in the changing rooms but luckily so far I've been able to get into a bathroom stall.

I'm also particularily lonely feeling since Valentines Day is in a few days but I honestly think its just an excuse to feel more lonely since I don't really understand Valentines Day anyway - you should do special things with your loved one anyday. For those who have loved ones -.- unlike me. I'm not loveable.