deep end

I'm going off the deep end.

I can't take all this shit life it throwing at me right now.

I almost lost my bestfriend last night, I rarely ever turn my phone off at night but last night I did because I was at my dads with out my charger and my friend cut herself, alot. far too deep, deep enough to scare her, she texted me freaking out and I didn't get the texts untill I turned my phone on in the morning, these texts about being in a bath tub, not being able to stop the bleeding. Luckly her parents walked in on her and helped. She's alive. She thinks she over reacted but the cuts are bad. Im so upset I can help her. I know what its like to be so addicted to the cutting and I saw this all coming and should have done something. I can't handle it.
My life is also stuck in a rut, nothing matters to me. The person I love has a boyfriend now so thats gone and not helping with my mood.
I'm sick of everything.
My work is ripping me off on hours so I have too much free time. I don't want to tap anymore, I don't want to be on debate team anymore but I'm forcing myself to go so I don't go completely nuts. I'm cutting and I can't tell my friend because I know it will trigger her and I need to be strong for her but hearing her talk about her cuts is triggering me.
I need a change to my apperance as well, I'm tired looking like Ido. I need to change something, what should it be? I need your guy's help.