Sick, appointment, dance

I am sick. I hate being sick. I can't breath through my nose and my throat hurts, I hate how easily I get sick. I'm terrible at functioning when I am sick, I didn't even get out of bed today and now I am awake and still sick and my night time cold medicine is not making me drowsy.
My psychiatric appointment yesterday was pretty stressful, the doctor was nice and all but I have a lot of problem and I have to start dealing with them, we didn't even get through the full assessment so I have to go and finish it next week. He re-diagnosed my eating disorder and we are working at looking into diagnosing possible bipolar disorder which I didn't even consider but talking about it with him seems to shed a lot of light on my behavior, it is honestly a little scary and I'm not sure what to think quite yet. Purging ofc ourse is reeking havoc on my body but I am not ready to stop. And I am constantly fighting the urge to cut all the time.
Tomorrow I have to force myself to go to class and go to the mall to find a dress for my fat body for our university formal dance. Our theme is James Bond. I'll be sure to post a picture of my dress. I'm sure it will take me hours to decide on a dress. I am going with my best friend which I love but its hard for me because she also suffers from an eating disorder but she is VERY thin and I just wish I looked like her. Of course it kills me to see her suffer from being that thin because I know what its like but I wish I was back there.
Right now I am not in a good mood at all, I feel like screaming and cutting into my skin and doing sit up till I cry but I can't because my roommate is here and I don't want to trigger her with exercise, I'm sick and I obviously don't cut in front of others. I just want to cry, but I can't. I want to go hug and be loved my someone special but I can't. I'm alone and I hate me and its a stuggle and so I am writing and trying to distract myself.