cozy

horrible day.
so fat.
liquid fast starting tomorrow.
new sweater.

cigs scared running

have you ever felt so depressed that you just wanted to scream and cry and curl up into a ball but can't?
I feel the ugliest and most horrible I have in a long while.
I'm binging and purging, cutting, smoking cigs and stuff, Im drinking and running till I faint.
I want to runaway I feel like I need to get away
I feel like I'm done - I just want to die.
I just want to be done.
+my throat hurts like a bitch, my first period teacher hates me for missing school. arrrgg.
I'm sorry - my posts are probably such a bother.

I wrote a poem on the back of a maths sheet about vectors and displacement threories.

Twist and turn my soul
Split into two
Apart for me
And apart for you
Hold it together
Likes sticks and glue
The part for me 
Bursts into a few
You take it away 
And use it as you do

We are the Change

you are all amazing followers <3

I went to We Day today and it was so inspirational and amazing! ~ I want to go to Kenya or India to help build a school - ofcourse its like crazy ass expensive so yay fundraising.

I need a smoke so bad right now ~goes to get smoke~

I'm fighting so hard to get out of bed still - so so very hard - suicidal thoughts frequently - I'm just hoping I don't get another blow of more depression.

I hope everyone is well.

my friend took this picture of me today - it would be lovely if my face wasn't fat.. or it wasn't me.

last night

last night was a drunken stoned depressing mess.
I drank a shit load - I smoked some weed - and I was depressed
My mother is impossible to live with - I'm leaving soon.
I have some really bad cuts on my wrist.
I want to stay in bed and never get out.
I have to go to school tomorrow.
I am going to all the first period classes tomorrow to talk about our thanksgiving fundraiser.

I'm so tired of being alive.

rubbish

today was pure rubbish.
I'm a fat ass. I'm a horrible person. my mother can't love me.
Why is it so insanely impossible to love myself? oh ya because I'm shit.
So I'm pretty sure my mom fractured my wrist. I'm going to hospital tomorrow to get it looked at.
My mother is talking about moving back to Birmingham. Its lovely but I have a life here.
I'm depressed - I want to cut. I had three smokes today.
I just don't think I should be on this planet.

University visit today was awesome!! I lovveee the program. DANCE <3
anyways I had a good day - worked over my lunch on our social justice club - painted a sign for the new thanksgiving campaign :)
I hope everyone is having  a good day :)

raise up

Writers Craft is INSANE!! I love writing but it feels like we aren't doing the creative aspect of it. I hope it gets better. For now I have a gazzilion hours of homework.
I also have a politics essay due tomorrow about the political spectrum.
I joined a social justice group at my school called Me to We and I am excited about that.
Tomorrow is Spirit Day so YAY no uniforms.
I am absolutley exaughsted today.
I also woke up this morning depressed more so than usual so I grabed my laptop to come on blogger and read this post about coping with sadness and it helped me SO much that I actually got out of bed.
Today I binged. ughhhhh. But I have been good lateley - following the rules.
Anyway I'm going to sleep :)
night lovelys