anywhere but here

     There is so much that I want that I can't have here. I want to be such unrealistic things; I want to be a model and actress and dancer. Why did I have to want to be something so unattainable from my town, plus I am not pretty enough.
    I want to move back to the UK, I don't remember it but I have more family there, maybe I could start over there. If I ever have the opportunity to move back I will because I would be all set, I wouldn't even have to worry about any citizen stuff because I am one - yay for living in two countries.

anyway enough of my longing for something that isn't here. I have to go to school tomorrow and ofcourse I am awake at two in the morning - like wide awake. My sleep pattern is fucked.

I think I am going to go eat something and throw it up because I'm just that fucked up and I feel like I'm being "told" to, you know? like its either don't eat or "since you have no will power and will eat you HAVE to throw it up"

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs "IM DEPRESSED, I HATE MYSELF, I WANT TO DIE, HELP ME, FIX ME."  but no one is listening and I couldn't do it anyway. it's never going to go away. I was born this way - no gaga reference intended.
picture for today? I don't even know if I like it and my face isn't even in it.