depersonilization

when I look at myself in the mirror I don't know who the person is
when I think about myself its like its not real
I don't know who I am
I don't feel human

I feel ill today.
I'm dizzy walking around.
I went to bed around 7:30am and woke up at 1:30pm.
I had a horrid dream about being in a case underwater with no gravity but this monster with no eyes and grey skin was chasing me and there was nothing I could go to fight it off - I was doomed. I woke up with a fright.

I'm freezing.

I was suppose to go to my dads yesterday - we haven't really talked in like three or four days and he doesn't seem like he wants to, as soon as you don't call him once he starts saying he doesn't love me and I'm not a good enough daughter.

It's new years tomorrow and I'm going out with friends - i have no money for booze but maybe my friends will share. I do quite enjoy the fireworks. I am sad that I do not have a newyears kiss but thats just me.

I think I am going to go have a nice hot bubble bath to keep warm - as well as my nerves having been off the chart for the past couple of days.

I have no plans for tonight thus far. Probably go to bed early.

Yesterday I slept until 8pm and then drank alot of pop - not diet - I'm gross. and failed my apparent fast with 250 calories of subway and some dark chocolate. I'm a failure. I'd like to say I'm going to fast again today but I am not. I will how ever try to keep eating to minimum. I threw up the other day and scratched my throat and it bled so I neednot be doing that for a while - if I can control that.

I hope everyone is having a lovely day. Stay strong beauties. xox